Definition of Sadness - Creative Piece

Sometimes, though I live through my words, they fail me. Those are the times when I know that I am lost, without my rock to lean on. Words have always been my friends; they comfort me, talk to me, and allow me to create. Without words…. When I feel alone, isolated, depressed, and cold, these are the times I most need my friends, and the times they abandon me. For not even these words can explain how I feel.

Alone, yes. I feel solitary. But not just from people and animals and plants and living things, but from metaphor, meaning. From words and other things that it makes no sense to suggest you are removed from. I feel… removed from life, and soul, and this dimensional existence.

Isolated, all the time. This is different to being alone, because you can have people surround you, and know they are there, have people acknowledge you even, but you cannot connect to them. You are boxed into a tiny space in the corner of your mind, and though they are close, the distance between you seems a lifetime. There is no way to reach out for help, or tell someone you are there, because you cannot contact them… but they don’t know that, they never understand. They push you and talk to you like they know everything, when just one look inside you head would blow their minds to the point of insanity. This is pain, this is isolation.

Do I feel depressed? All the time. Like god is looking at my crumpled, curled up attempt at a soul, watching my actions… and he is disappointed. Not laughing, or mocking me. That would be bearable. But he is sad both at my state and my failed attempts to help those around me. So why not just end it? This would only cause further disappointment. The only redemption is to try and help others, though this usually leads to further disappointment as people watch you fail. As he watches you fail.

And cold. That is the one I feel most of all. It is like feeling nothing but there is a general negative connotation to how you feel, so that you are unable to describe it, but it is there. I feel this a lot. Most commonly when I am put in a difficult situation, when I know I should be sad, or angry, or upset, but I don’t want to be. But I cannot feel anything positive… so I am left with a negative nothingness… Cold.

There are people who believe that the worst situation to be in is one where you have no friends. I disagree. I believe that there is nothing worse than having friends, and having them push you away, having them need your help without you being able to do anything to benefit them, disappointing people who count on you for support and hope. That is …

But then, after mulling all this over in my head, I realise… my friends have not forsaken me, but rather they carry me. I have just explained all this, in words. For, though my words are not spoken aloud, or written down, they are there, in my mind, and in my heart.